I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
