I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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