question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
