I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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