all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
