My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
