He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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