am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
