Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
