my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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