First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
