he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
