She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
