then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
