I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
