sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
