So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
