awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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