I can text with my tongue
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
