I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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