so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
