Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
