didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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