Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
