all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
