I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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