Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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