i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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