first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
