they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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