i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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