My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
