Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
