i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
