either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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