there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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