That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
