Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
