Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Green mimosas i think yes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
