I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
