If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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