I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
