What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
