Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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