you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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