omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
