This is not my ceiling
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
