ya dads aren't the best wingmen
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is the high leading the old right now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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