My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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