Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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