I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
