OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
